my life essence is pouring out of me.

such a slow process it is.

dont u wish things could slow down and speed up at the same time?

or maybe add 20 more hours to the day, just so you could sleep and mayhap dream for 15 of them?

the more busy i get,

the more tired i become,

the more anxiety builds up and brings my energy down.

The more I want a boyfriend...a companion of my own.





now how much sense does that make?

I dont have time to breathe, let alone have a relationship.

yet...

why does this longing stay? if i knew i would write the answer.

or maybe it's cuz i'm very very alone this weekend + the exhaustion of my first ever time taking the helm as a stage manager + balancing two bio classes, one Jazz, one japanese, and one Drama class all in one quarter.



















(grrrr they really did include friggin Hayden Christensen in the remake of the old STAR WARS EP VI!!! I KICK THEIR AZZES! I BOUGHT THAT SHIT BY ACCIDENT!! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!)

Mega Auditions at the beginning of the year...It was my last one forever from UCI...what did i do? Ask me!

I MESSED IT UP!!!!!!

I'm so disappointed. The first monologue went smooth and the second one went out my ear. I should have taken advantage of a great huge factor that was added and put the second one first. But NOOO.

*cries*

i cant believe i did that. i kept my head up in front of everyone. I smiled and I joked about it. but seriously...i'm really disappointed and my heart hurts cuz i wish i tried harder somehow.

I try to keep to my lil motto "Two tears in a bucket, Mutha f^ck it!" As in, shed a tear for it, and then move the hell on...

It's a little difficult at the moment.

I ate a pint of ice cream to make me feel better.

now i have a tummy ache and i'm still disappointed.

I need a hug.

Yaaa I went to my best bud's b-day party with my best buds friends with more friends and i decided to have a drinky or two...or three...or five and a half. I cant believe i had so much fun! DRINKING!! OF ALL THINGS... my morality is shattered, i was the one who was like "i dont like to drink, not really. i dont like being out of control." but it was alllll good. positive experience and i gained a small male harem in san jose! HOLLER!

Yaaa, that didnt fall through. I was sad. i was kinda hoping that this would work but it will not. My schedule for school is gross and they are stationed in Santa Monica. It would take me 45 min to get there....on a GOOD day. :Siiigh:

Sooooooooo here it is...

A phone interview tomorrow with Zuckerman Productions!! oh? You dont know them? Let me enlighten you, Zucklermann Productions who made Airplane! My Best Friends Wedding, My Life, Rat Race and other such movies happen! I'm excited.

but still i am scared.

and i'm trying to write more poetry and stories but i came up with blockage...how come whenever i have free time i cant create anything? When I was in high school i used to finish my homework and work on a novel I was writing RIGHT afterwards...

dont know...

I cleaned my room recently, and that freed up my mental space. But i still am not creating something worth jumping up and down about.

oh...and just in case you havent heard...I'M IN LOVE WITH V!

ok. I'm sorry. But i do! I cant shake it! It's rizzdiculous!